Lower to them the wing of humility

A bird has the ability to fly. It raises its wings to take flight, but when it lowers its wings, it’s saying, “I’m going to land.”

Even though it possesses the power of flight, it chooses not to use it.

This isn’t just about humility; it’s about humility despite having the power to not be humble. There’s a significant difference.

Anyone can be humble when they have no power. When you get pulled over by a police officer, you become very humble: “I’m so sorry, officer. I didn’t realize I was going 75. Can’t believe I did that in a school zone.”

You’ll be humbled before you’re hauled off to jail, but you’re in a position where you have no power.

With your parents, especially as you grow older, the situation differs.

Perhaps you’ve become the breadwinner in the household. Perhaps they’ve retired. Perhaps you’re in a position of authority. Perhaps they come to you for advice. Perhaps you’re taking care of all the bills, the paperwork, the taxes, the healthcare.

You’re in a position to say, “Hey, why are you talking to me like this? I’m the one taking care of everything.”

Allah says: lower your wings. I know you have wings. Just pretend you don’t have them when dealing with them.

Be what you were when you were eight years old. Just be that child again.

This phrase has three layers of meaning.

First, show them mercy out of compassion for them as they’re reaching old age.

Second, show them mercy because of the mercy they showed you.

You were far more obnoxious and far more agitating than they will ever be. They showed you far more love than you will ever show them.

You will face all kinds of problems in life, but someone who will never cease to love you is your mother.

The overwhelming majority of mothers never stop loving their children. You can lose the love of your father; he can say, “Get out of the house.” But what will your mother say? “No, no, no, my baby. Let him stay. He won’t do it again.”

Fathers aren’t naturally softies. You have to work on that relationship.

It doesn’t come naturally to fathers because men aren’t as emotionally open or connected as women are. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) put in the work; he was an extremely sensitive man.

But emotional intelligence, while natural for mothers, requires work for fathers.

When a child comes to the father saying, “You know what happened at school?” the father might respond, “I don’t know, talk to me later,” not realizing how much that hurts.

The mother, seeing this, asks, “Tell me, what happened?” Even if the child says, “I don’t know, I forgot,” he still feels good because his mother heard him.

Your mother will never stop loving you. As annoying as she might get, as angry as she might become, the love she has for you, you will never find anybody in your life who loves you like that. Ever.

I don’t care if you’re 90 years old and your mother is still alive. Your mother still loves you as she did when you were born.

The third meaning of ‎مِنَ ٱلرَّحۡمَةِ‎ is this:

If you want a lot of mercy from Allah, you better be humble to your parents.

The expression ‎خَفۡضُ الۡجَنَاحِ‎ (lowering the wing) has another meaning: when a bird protects its nest.

When a snake tries to eat the eggs, the bird spreads its wings over the nest so the snake bites the bird itself.

The bird is willing to die, be poisoned or be injured so that its innocent eggs underneath, which don’t even know what’s happening, remain safe.

This image of a parent protecting a child is reversed in the Qur’an to describe a child protecting a parent.

This reversal is captured at the end of the ayah:

The word ‎رَبَّيَا‎ (to ensure growth, to take care of one’s development) comes from ‎رَبَّى يُرَبِّي تَرۡبِيَة‎; it is not the same word as ‎رَبّ‎.

That is, the ayah means:

“Show mercy to both of them the way they ensured my growth when I was small, the way they took care of me as I was growing up.”